The black guy always dies first.

My flatmate is a fencer and  loves the sport. One of his fencing friends gave him a lovely umbrella for Christmas with the handle shaped like the hilt of a sword covered in a cloth cover. It’s a lovely present I said to him this morning you should take it with you when it rains it is a big umbrella ‘I can’t carry that thing around I am back and the cops will stop me’ came his reply. That is such a painful realisation knowing you have to look a certain way so that you aren’t stopped by the authorities. Being a black man isn’t easy as bell hooks said society expects black men to be more righteous than everyone else and holds their failures up as an example of their inferiority.

My flatmate is a black man and yes he likes fencing as much as his white friends do but none of them will be stopped by a policeperson, their youth and sense of irony will never make dangerous or suspicious to the authorities. This is not the first time this has happened though, a few months ago we caught a bus one night and my flatmate got in first and found a seat for both of us the white woman opposite him cringed and tensed up till I came and sat down next to him she looked at both of us didn’t seem pleased but was pacified with my presence.

People say racism is dead do they realise there is more to racism than shouting out rude names? It is in the silences, the quiet exclusion, and the institionalised misrepresentation. Racism of the 1960’s was very different and was very obvious but a quieter racism exists now. I have seen a black academic being shouted down at an anti racist conference by people who claimed they spoke for him. My flatmate and I have a running joke between us whenever we watch a film I ask him was it one of those films where the black guy dies first. It is a terrible joke but it is based in a painful truth. We have only seen black men as disposable commodities who get in the way of white society. It doesn’t help that fiction on screen is similar to events off screen. Black men no matter how young or old are a much-vilified group.

Racism embodies our deepest fears. Knowing your teenage son can be shot at for being suspicious, knowing your education, good manners will not protect you in such a situation is a very deep seated and realistic fear. Don’t tell us we are paranoid don’t tell us we are being hysterical don’t tell us we are looking at things too deeply. Isn’t the Ferguson case and countless cases before and after it indicative institutionalised racism. I am not saying every white person is a racist or goes out of their way to attack people of colour the system is a lot deeper, its working very insidious. Just like sexism, homophobia, and other inequalities are deeply ingrained our society so is racism its in the law, it remains in society even when the law changes. It is in the everyday life of people. Knowing you have to constantly negotiate your place in society to be accepted to be respectable in the eyes of dominant groups is an inequality.

The fact that my flatmate’s first thought was I will be stopped by the cops is indicative enough of a system that has ingrained a very real fear in him. It doesn’t matter how much my flatmate likes his umbrella or how many assurances he gets deep down he knows the minute he walks out of that door he will be stopped. It wont matter that he lives an honest decent life and wouldn’t hurt a fly in the eyes of the world he will always be a dangerous black man. 

India and ET

Studying the history of Indian cinema has taught me things I was not previously aware of. The film ET for instance has Indian origins….. and no I am not one of those people who claim everything comes from India. An unfinished project by Satyajit Ray was the basis of the much loved American film. Personally I didn’t think aliens and sci fi films were subjects we were preoccupied with India but there you go. 

Manchester Cathedral on a crisp cold day

Black people fear racism white people are scared of looking racist

I was listening to a presentation on world hunger tonight and all the images of hungry people were people of colour. The white people in the pictures were helpers. One young white woman asked an uncomfortable question 'I was at Gorton a very poor region in Manchester and some of the people didn't think we should give aid to Africa as we don't have enough ourselves.' Everyone shifted uneasily in the room. This was a room of 26 people 20 of whom were white middle class university educated people in their early 20’s, the rest of us were non-white. Only one woman of African origin sat there feeling uncomfortable. As usual the presenter gave a vague answer about being human, helping, about love. 

I wasn't disappointed by the answer I almost expected it. It is more important not to look racist than be racist or let it fester. While people like my friend are at the receiving end of these comments and in lots of cases violence white liberalism prefers to take the moral high ground. It is easy to say to the person of colour we don't think of you as less human - this is patronising, our position and our protests come from experience. We have experienced discrimination; sometimes it is a slight twitch, an uncomfortable silence or even a patronising comment spoken slowly. When all you see of yourself is as a hungry person all the powerful see of us is our hunger and helplessness it forms a deep association in our mind. Images are powerful and subconsciously affect how we perceive the world around us. For those in non dominant positions those images are the only representations they see of themselves and if they are negative representations they create an

I live in a poor neighbourhood full of poor white people who are constantly vilified and called lazy none of which is true. I can see why they hate me, I am the new toy in the hands of the liberal, and I know I will be discarded similarly. It hurts me that something as simple as this is never explained but left to fester.

I don’t hate or fear the people of Gorton they have very real concerns which I feel must be answered rationally without  resorting to mere sentimentalism. 

Protest against cuts in 'Violence Against Women' services - Manchester 10 Dec

Vegetarian Udon Noodle Soup

This recipe is vegan and has no oil at all. It is very filling and one portion can feed about two people or one very hungry person.

Ingredients

A packet of Udon noodles
A small slice of ginger
A clove of garlic
Edamame beans - I have found bags of this stuff in the frozen section shelled and ready to be boiled.
Spring onions chopped fine
A few pieces of bell peppers
thinly sliced mushrooms

These are the vegetables I have if I had them I would add carrots, sliced onion, bean sprouts and broccoli. I didn't have any tofu either which I bake (see previous post).

Miso paste
Soy sauce
Since I was craving a spicy soup I added a little gochujang to the recipe

I chopped the ginger and garlic finely and added them to the pan with some soy sauce and a few table spoons of water and let this boil for two minutes i added more water and let this boil for 5 minutes before I added the rest of the vegetables, leave a few spring onions for garnishing. I don't like overcooking my vegetables so I cooked them for 3 minutes. Boil the udon noodles for 2 minutes in hot water or dunk them in a dish of hot water and cover. Rinse them in cold water to make them chewy.

To serve get a deep bowl with the miso paste at the bottom put the noodles on top pour the soup over this and sprinkle with the remaining chopped spring onions

Transgender Day of Remembrance

Every year Transgender people are killed or allowed to die across the world. Some are kicked out by their families. Exploited and abused their lives are in danger. This violence must stop. Killing people is wrong. Killing people because we don't understand them is wrong. We need to accept people for who they are if you believe kindness wont change people neither will cruelty.

To my transgender brothers and sisters out there you are not forgotten. You will be missed. 

Here are some images from the memorial service at Manchester 

Why fighting feminism is counterproductive.

I got talking to a young polite man yesterday who said ‘I like to be a gentleman, I wish women would let themselves be treated as women’. I did want to say several things but seeing as he was very naive about the issue I held back a bit. Women would behave in a dainty way if society around them were dainty. Manners alone don’t protect us. As Audre Lorde said ‘my silences had not protected me. Your silence will not protect you’. The well idea of the idealised womanhood is still cherished by men who assume a woman would want to submit to this once she is married. The idea is flawed- marriages fall apart. The well-behaved woman stops behaving nicely once she knows her good behaviour makes her vulnerable. Feminism wasn’t born out of a need to be difficult it was society that was being difficult to women and still is.

Not being able to stand up for oneself isn’t a virtue it is a curse. I have a friend who once said she didn’t trust men polite or not, she wasn’t difficult, just hurt. Her hurt had taught her that men who open doors for women also let themselves out of those doors and abandon women. Politeness is wonderful, and I do appreciate that quality in both men and women, however politeness needs to be matched with a deeper sense of morality. If opening a door is a way to emulate your grandfather and feel nostalgic don’t do it. Do it because you respect the woman in front of you, do it because you feel a need to humble yourself, afterall good manners are a way of saying to the other person I respect you and think of you as important. To men who think they respect women I will say this feminism isn’t your enemy, patriarchal oppression is. It teaches both men and women they must conform even when it hurts them. Men are taught to be loud and coarse to display their masculinity and women passive to their aggressions. For those of us who reject such narrow definitions of gender feminism provides an answer. Don’t blame victims for taking up arms against their oppressors. To polite gentlemen I say this look at the men around you look at how they behave around women does their behaviour inspire trust?

Feminism comes from a deep wound one which needs healing not injuring. Women protesting aren’t the problem they are a symptom of an unequal society. People who have been treated unfairly have a right to be suspicious of their oppressors. Women bear their oppressions in silence and with dignity. Women with broken ribs and black eyes claim to have walked into doors. Their silence and their obvious lies don’t protect them. Women are scared when a man holds open a door he might touch her bottom. These are genuine fears that have a basis in truth. Women have come to fear not just aggressive men but polite ones as well. If politeness could protect us then we would have redeemed ourselves.

To the gentlemen amongst you I will say if you claim to respect us then join forces with us. Talk to your fellow men who treat us unequally don’t tell us silence ourselves. 

Free Cakes for Kids

This might be use and seems like a good idea - Free Cakes for Kids is a community service to families who find it difficult to provide a birthday cake for their child. The cakes are baked by volunteers from your community with your kid’s favourite theme or style. Free, friendly and confidential.

Here is a link to their home page 

http://www.freecakesforkids.org.uk/

Lest we forget.

Trans gender etiqute 101

Immigrants built this nation …. What if they didn’t?

With elections round the corner there is a lot of talk of  immigrants and their benefit to the nation. I had a conversation earlier this year with my priest and very rarely am I told off (I was glad I was in this case). I pointed out how good immigrants were for the economy as I contribute by paying taxes and paying for things…. I was stopped there and then and asked what if I didn’t do any of that should I be asked to leave the country?

While the anti side protests that we rob precious resources the side that supports us thinks of us in terms of how we benefit society and them. both these arguments are selfish… its just that one is less selfish than the other. I have heard people tell me how grateful they are to immigrants who built roads as there were none in Britain till we came in. Sounds like a compliment or is it? What if we didn’t build roads? I find this assumption problematic as it positions the immigrants as the new working class and can only think of them in terms of productivity. This argument calls to mind a sketch by Rowan Atkinson about immigrants and curry.

I will let you watch it.

The line now that we have got the recipe is hilarious and it points to a deeper problem – we have stopped being useful and therefore should be asked to leave. Working class immigrants are elevated and white ones demonised as scroungers which ferments animosity and has lead to the rise of groups such as the EDL.

What if we didn’t make curry, roads, or take up any job that came our way would we still be welcome? Working in jobs no one wants to is not our choice it is a necessity (we aren’t given allowed access to public funds). I agree we contribute to the economy however human society isn’t about working alone.

Is our worth to be measured only in how we can make the lives of the middle classes comfortable and exotic? 

  

PS: Comments about the previous post ruffled some feathers. Yes some white people are very nice and have wonderful personalities and good intentions which I have every right to question. Good manners are not being questioned here just the thought process around certain ideas. 

Lake district

                                         Leisure  -

What is this life if, full of care, We have no time to stand and stare.

No time to stand beneath the boughs And stare as long as sheep or cows.

No time to see, when woods we pass, Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.

No time to see, in broad daylight, Streams full of stars, like skies at night

. No time to turn at Beauty's glance, And watch her feet, how they can dance.

No time to wait till her mouth can Enrich that smile her eyes began.

A poor life this is if, full of care, We have no time to stand and stare.                                                                                                         by William Henry Davies

I dream of Africa...... Neo colonialism and the niceness of it all

I want to go to Africa for a gap year......... I had a penny for every time I heard that.....

A young chap said that to me today. At which point I nearly bit his head off. He justified it by saying Africa is poor which made me more angry. He is very young however that is no excuse really. He cited the goodness of his heart and his desire to help less fortunate people. I was told this is enough and one mustn't get cynical of good intentions. Why not? It seems sentiment and emotion must outweigh rational thought. As a woman of colour I was of course the hysterical one, cynical and not a good servant. All this good will was being offered to me and I would have none of it my ingratitude was hurting someone's good intentions. 

That this persons saw Africa as a little village full of poverty stuck children waiting for his good intentions and little loose change is to be taken for granted. His feelings are of utmost importance never-mind his blatant ignorance and misguided sense of charity or should I say voyeurism. 

There are several issues here 

1 This person refuses to see the problems in his own society- Europe is a nice place but isn't exactly perfect there are lots of homeless people here. 

2 Poverty is graded with African poverty being the worst and somehow only redeemable by a good hearted white boy.

3 Good intentions are seen to be all that one needs to change the world. Sorry economists and social workers if only you sprayed fairy dust all around you.

4 Black people are seen as people without agency and dependent on the benign goodwill of white people, their opinion in this matter is non existent.

5 Africa the continent is though of as little village which is made of all poor people who would kill each other if it were not upto white people to save them. 

6 African people are thought of as all poor with very little or no insight into the inner working of their society.

All these assumptions are racist yet questioning them makes me a hysterical cynical black woman. So the brutality of past colonisers is gone instead we have young men and women with good intentions  how have things changed? 

Real men do.....

I sat chatting with a lovely man today someone who could hold a conversation, not patronising and a good listener. Before I forget I was within the earshot of a young man or should I say "man" yeah the type who think being a man involves being a sexist who loves violence. It has always struck me how insecure masculinity is. Frightened of femininity and homosexuality. The overt manifestation of this masculinity revels in putting down what it thinks is deviant masculinity. There is nothing wrong with being manly but manliness that is created by putting any other state of being down seems false. It seems to be an overcompensatory mechanism which seems to suppress any form of dissonance. While every gender should allowed to be experienced in its own way very obvious manliness seems to be the most violent and insensitive. However this not the sum total of masculinity, there are those who aren't particularly bothered by upholding laddish laws who aren't part of a herd and are able to assert their individuality. Resisting this externally created masculinity for an innate and perhaps more individual sense of being.

It seems this narrow understanding of masculinity is way of experiencing all the joys of being manly  minus the responsibility. 

Potato and tofu roast in gochujang

I had a lovely dish of noodles and dumpling with fried potatoes at a Korean restaurant sometime back. This is my take on the dish with a slight British influence....... well it's Sunday so I had to do the roast potatoes.

You will need
Potatoes for roasting
Firm tofu
Spring onions
Oil
Sesame seeds
Gochujang- Korean hot pepper paste.

Give the potatoes a boil in hot boiling water with a pinch of salt they need a few minutes till they get a slightly tender. Drain and let them cool. Cut the tofu in bite size pieces and dry them a bit.

Heat oil in a baking dish and pop in the potatoes and tofu. Bake till crisp , tofu might cook faster than the potatoes so take it out and set aside. Once it is all done throw a spoon of gochujang on the warm potatoes and tofu, mix well. Garnish with toasted sesame seeds and spring onions.

Tofu is very versatile so it can be baked, fried, boiled steamed...... you get the point.

Lake District in its full glory

Boys will be boys...... and what are little boys made off?

An overcompensatory masculinity harms men who are given to believe that being a man is scripted and includes behaving in a way that is contradictory to their inner nature and feelings, that being a part of herd is more important than being in individual. What are boys meant to be? Feminism has rightfully questioned stereotypes and how patriarchy is harmful to women and men. 

This scripted masculinity hurts women and men alike. What is constitutes masculinity has been constantly changing over time and culture. Men  were not always expected to be tough and unfeeling. 

Authentic natives- why nativism is destroying our activism

So it's black history month here in the UK and I am hearing a lot about native cultures and exaggerated stories of racism and glorified pasts. Good and bad things have happened in the past, however how we tell those stories and construct our identities based on them is what I am interested in. To quote MN Srinivas 'the present was so bleak that the past became glorious'. He goes on to talk about how India's past was reinvented with exaggerated claims of superiority. These claims can be seen in the way activists approach issues, through reclaiming the past. Rahul Rao has written about the use of these arguments are being disavowed cousins of the very antagonists they are fighting. 

Nativism has several problems as it goes onto to prove that we are nothing more than an unchanging history, to be petrified in time. This is an aspect of racism I have encountered in the UK, it is liberal, well meaning and positive but still racist. This argument also plays into the hands of the extreme right who use culture as a way of distinguishing between civilised white people an uncivilised black people whose are tied to their culture which makes us nasty. 

The call for authenticity for me also poses the fear of right wing groups eliminating non authentic citizens. While activists emerge from a positive position they are nevertheless using the same argument and the oppressor which does not sufficiently argue why groups of people must be treated well in the present time. 

Autumn is here again

Autumn is such a lovely season in the UK. Everything seems brighter in the rain the greens seem greener, red berries seem to seem riper and fresher. Rich colours everywhere the chill in the air a reminder of colder weather to come. This painting made it to two art exhibitions this year, quite an achievement for me.